dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
