since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
