He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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