I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
