The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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