something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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