So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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