Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
