The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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