I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
