y did u give ur computer a hand job?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
