yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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