Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize