just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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