Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
