Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Randomize
