the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Are we still banned from the library?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
