dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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