Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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