She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
