I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
