and you said cock pushups were impossible
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
