Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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