I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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