This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
being pregnant is like rehab
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
