Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
