I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
