i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
