Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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