dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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