im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
