Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
