Don't make out with my wife yet
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
