Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
