Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
