It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
