It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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