I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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