i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
