Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
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Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize