True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
