he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
