I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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