YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have feelings that need drinking.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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