I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
