I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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