I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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