At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
