I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
