idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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