What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
