were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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