they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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