he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
