just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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