Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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