I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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