Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
