Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
