I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
