The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
